God is Love. That's the word Jude and I felt was from the Lord as we prayed before heading to Jesus Street. That God IS Love. And He loves loving, and He loves it when we love. And the more we love the more He loves it... hehe... Off we went to bring it.
But His Love is a consuming fire. And as someone famous once said, "I'm the fool for thinking, that You would only warm me."
The more I heard of Miss Bessy and all she did to hold down the neighborhood- a godly woman of a strong spirit- how she went and got Jackie out of the house across the street, and made her sit with her on the porch until she straightened out from the drugs she was high on... How when she came out to sit on that porch, things on the block settled down, and boys stopped cursing, she just held down the neighborhood. I couldn't help but see how committed she was.
The more I heard of her strength and love for the people there, the weaker and weaker I felt. Until I realized I had nothing to offer this neighborhood. If God is Love, and He is a powerful Love, then I am nothing like that. I was broken by how much Love it takes and how little I have.
"God is Love." All I could see was "I am not! Not even close!" And I almost crumbled under that knowledge. This was the gripping reality of my insufficiency to represent God's Love or carry out His will. I'm still grappling with how to respond to this.
I know WHAT the textbook answer is. His Spirit in me will bring it to pass. Its the HOW to get there that will be the difference between busy religion and wielding the weight of the Love of God.
I used to think (one year ago) if I could only hear or see, or just recognize what the Spirit was doing, then I could do it. Watchman Nee says, even if you recognized it, YOU are still in the way. Its you that prevents you from releasing the Spirit of God.
I have no answers today.