Monday, June 30, 2014

How to Fail Miserably and Wonderfully

So, I started a company.  One based on my Christian faith.  Wanna know how that went?  

Thought I'd give you the backstory on this ongoing startup.  

Step one was to ask this: 
What would my company look like- in its practices- if everything I did was an expression of what my faith is? 

I'd have to ask what do I actually believe about God, and man, and everything, and process through that, to come up with business practices that have a direct connection to what I believe.

This is different from living from your "heart".  It's living from an assessment of your actual faith. That's a challenging exercise in itself!  I have to tell you it was fun and enlightening to actively look at what I believe, with the purpose of making an implementation of that as a business plan.  I have a pretty high view of who God is and what he wants to do in the world, and as the Director of this company's practices.  

I can say that the result was crushing.  I immediately found that there is a massive gap between what I actually believe and what I'm capable of living out.  I've been brought to tears over this- crying, "I'm not that man!"  

This was a difficult thing to realize about myself.  But here's an amazing reality.  There is a lot in the bible about faith and perseverance together.  

The bouy to all my grief over my shortfalls was when someone said "this just proves you have something worth persevering for."  Huh?!  I can honestly say that I've never had that before!  But the business model I came up with from that assessment is nothing less than my highest aspiration and faith; and from what little I've done so far, I'm convinced this is what the world needs.  It's worth persevering for.

The fact that I fall far short of being able to deliver that is just the truth about what God made when He made man- the weakest and most dependent of all creatures he's ever made!  Of course I'm weak!   

Working through that, and delivering the goodness of God in spite of it, is the exercise of the life of faith!  I believe in demonstrating the righteousness of God on earth- His compassion, His courage, His generosity, His deliverance... Realizing the failings of myself as a man to deliver that, well that is a call of God to me to find HIS ability to make Himself known, even through my weakness... and possibly, especially in my weakness!  

Well, that's just the bible in real life!  I've come to accept my inability to be that guy, and really ask God to somehow use this mess to bring His kingdom wherever I set my feet.  It's gloriously ridiculous and laughable and wonderful!


Sally McCollum said...

Loving your honesty here, billy!

Miss seeing you and all your inspiring folly. Full of smiles, full of hope, full of encouragement, you are!

Tammie H said...

Billy, this is awesome, and really we do fail miserably yet HE DOES NOT FAIL, ever! we just have an obstructed view, seeing from the bottom up :-) I love what I see God has and does and is doing IN YOU, through your faith growing... and the transformation, He gloriously reveals Himself ... and His desire is intimacy, - deeper, greater, knowledge of HIM and His heart - with you. Now... that is worth every "failure".... in the worlds eyes.

Billy Landahl said...

its been over a year since I wrote this, and reading it again I noticed something. I came to a place where I saw a gap between what I could deliver, and what I believed about God's purposes for my life. That's what they call a crisis of faith. At that point one could lower the bar to something more attainable. But its not an option to compromise what God has revealed! This is GOD we're talking about. Its not about me and my shortcomings. Just felt the need to re-affirm that... a year later. Staying the course.